Sometimes

Sometimes.

Sometimes I turn the music up so loud so I can't hear myself think.

Sometimes I sing along, other times I just have it there to blare, listening to the words.

Sometimes I get on the road to drive, just to feel my surroundings fly by me, because that's how life feels. It goes by too fast for me to keep up. Driving makes me feel like I'm going somewhere.

Sometimes that's why I run. To go somewhere. Another reason why I love to run. Because it takes me places, and I can say I got there on my own. Not by car, bike, or anything else other than my own two feet.

Sometimes I hide my phone from myself, to avoid hearing from anyone.

Sometimes I avoid talking to people altogether to escape the same questions. "How many days left? You're still here? What's the countdown?"--All those questions mean is that I am still here.

Sometimes I don't want to let anyone know I am going through anything. I just slip on a face and laugh and be the silly person I am. But sometimes I know holding it in can kill yourself.

Sometimes, I look through my phone to see who I should call. I look to see who I can even remotely try to tell what the heck is going on in my life.

I look through, and decide the only person who is COMPLETELY understanding, who knows EVERYTHING I am dealing with and would take as long as I needed--even if it were hours--to just hear me vent and then give me the best advice, is my Heavenly Father.

Sometimes, I do all these things in one day. But that is only when I feel the most lonely.